Hello Melbourne


Well we made it. We’re currently on the other side of the globe unless you’re reading this in Australia in which case we’re currently on the same side of the globe as you.

We flew Malaysian airlines and had a very easy flight overall with good food and general A+ bonhomie. We were rather lucky as we had two seats to ourselves and were just celebrating our good fortune with some understated hi-fives and whooping when a chap sat in front of us with the kind of body odour that can only truly be expunged with an exorcism. 

I distracted myself by watching ‘Knowing’ starring Nicolas Cage. It was not good. I distracted myself by leaning closer to the man in front of us.

This was swiftly followed by Terminator Salvation. Christian Bale wheeled out the odd, throaty, whispery, phlegmy voice he usually reserves for Batman and spent most of the film pausing dramatically before announcing…..”I’m John Connor”…….every now and then. The people he said this to looked fully awed up by the implications.

I don’t think it’s giving anything away by saying the naughty robots were soundly thrashed and the human race emerged triumphant unless you count the paying, cinema-going public (OUCH!!! Stick that quote on yer DVD Box Set).

We landed in Melbourne at around 9pm and headed to customs. I was seriously regretting watching ‘Border Patrol’ on UK Living. Although my only real crime was wearing black socks with shorts, I still felt very guilty. 

Everybody at Kuala Lumpur airport had an identical twin which was unexpected

Everybody at Kuala Lumpur airport had an identical twin which was unexpected

We had a slight run in with an immigration official when we handed him our landing cards. He insisted that we should have written the information in blue ink. We politely pointed out that it was written in blue ink. He repeated that we were legally required to write the information in blue ink. We politely repeated that it was written in blue ink, going so far as to point at the blue inked information with our blue ink stained fingers. He started to get a bit twitchy and said we had to go away, write the information in blue ink and join the back of the line.

We thought it best not to push the issue of why our particular shade of blue ink was unacceptable and did as he asked. As the queue was now snaking back for several miles it gave me plenty of opportunity to work out several devastating blue ink based put-downs that would leave him feeling dirty and ashamed. However, once we finally  reached the colour subtlety expert, I simply smiled weakly as I handed him the card. He knew though. HE KNEW!

We caught the Skybus into town and headed to our Youth hostel. Everyone we spoke to was very friendly and helpful. Admittedly the only person we spoke to was the bus driver but we liked him.

The Youth hostel is ideally placed and our room is absolutely great. No different to a hotel except there are more dreadlocks and wispy beards on show.

We stay there for a week and our first priority is to find an apartment to stay in once that week is over.

That’s what I’m off to do now….


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