Man with Moustache Stops Tram


BREAKING NEWS! EXCLUSIVE! Man halts every tram in Melbourne with nothing more than a suitcase and a slightly petulant attitude. 

More details to follow.

Here they are:-

We were taking a stroll through the colourful, cosmopolitan city of Melbourne (copyright Lonely Planet) when we noticed a crowd of gawking people. Further investigation revealed a chap standing in the middle of the road in front of a tram refusing to budge. This created a massive logjam of trams stretching all the way back to the horizon.

One man, one moustache, 46 trams, 1,976 pissed off commuters

One man, one moustache, 46 trams, 1,976 pissed off commuters

The recalcitrant (yes, I looked it up) tourist wasn’t ranting or raving. He seemed perfectly calm but absolutely determined to stand his ground. Incredibly, he was being gently persuaded to move by a Fire Engine crew. I don’t know whether they were just passing or whether somebody had actually phoned the emergency services to alert them to the ‘man with taupe moustache standing in road’ situation. Part of me admires their speedy deployment although if I had been trapped in a burning building at the time I would have been seriously irked.

The crowd grew larger, the line of trams grew longer, ‘Tram Man’s’ ‘tache bristled ever more defiantly and yet the whole situation remained completely restrained with an almost carnival-like atmosphere. No car horns beeping, nobody shouting things like “move you fat nonce'” or “shift yer arse you twat” etc.

Eventually, and without warning ‘Tram Man’ picked up the wheely suitcase he had placed jauntily in front of the tram and began striding slowly and purposefully away. The crowd gave a fairly loud cheer and a smattering of applause. ‘Tram Man’ acknowledged this with a regal wave and a very slight turn of his head. I was reminded of the release of Nelson Mandela from Robben Island and his long walk to freedom.

As I watched him go, ‘Tram Man’ melted into the crowd (not literally) and I was left feeling strangely uplifted. As acts of civil unrest go, this incident will never invade the collective consciousness in the same way as the Brixton riots of 1981. And yet I took away from it an understanding that any problem can be resolved peacefully and that dialogue and mutual consideration are the most powerful tools available to us.

Having said that, if I’d been in one of the trams he was delaying I’d have gladly seen him taken out by a sniper.



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