Discount Infopacks – For all Your Discounted Infopack Needs. Now at Discounted prices!!!!*

25Oct09

Creativity and a kind of inspired joie de vivre seeps from every pore of this Melbourne Metropolis like a computer graphic in a Clearasil ad. Although some areas are more ‘happenin’ (youth speak alert) than others, not one block remains untouched by some kind of art or individual expressivivocity.

The city is my gallery. The streets are my canvas. I am The Messenger. Look, I've written 'Nobber' on everything for a laugh LOL!!!!

The city is my gallery. The streets are my canvas. I am The Messenger. Look, I've written 'Nobber' on everything for a laugh LOL!!!!

I think this is best summed up by the Laneways. To fully understand the origins of the Laneways we need to travel back in time to 1835 and the dawn of Melbourne (the following historical information will be voiced by Ray Meagher and is available for purchase on VHS at http://www.discount_infopacks.com.au*).

The entire urbanistic conurbation-wotsit of Melbourne was originally laid out on a giant grid-like system. To illustrate this point – think of a grid. Now imagine it much, much bigger and basically that is what it’s like.

The reason for this strict street latticework is that in the 1800’s, humans traveled at right angles. This changed in 1906 with the invention of alcohol and peripheral vision. In time, these discoveries gave rise to small, random lanes which joined up the criss-cross of larger streets. Rather than just sticking with calling them lanes and saving everyone a lot of bother, the people of Melbourne dubbed them Laneways making the above three paragraphs necessary.

Please don't mistake me for somebody who plays by the rules my friend

Please don't mistake me for somebody who plays by the rules my friend

I’d like to wake you from your historic reverie now and bring you back, back, BAAAACK to our present day of Rubiks Cubes, Transgender envelopes and tiny, expensive chocolate bars. Look around you. What do you see? Assuming you’re in Melbourne and near some Laneways you will see some Laneways. Notice that each one is full of odd bits of art, galleries, bizarre bars and street performers.

Susie and I decided to explore these Laneways armed only with a freewheeling spirit, a giddy sense of adventure and an intricately detailed guidebook and map with specific coordinates of every Laneway in the city.

Tributes to 'Tram Man' sprang up all over the city

Tributes to 'Tram Man' sprang up all over the city

The electrifying Roller Coaster ride of a day that followed involved random chance encounters, unexpected sights and sounds, once-in-a-lifetime moments of the purest comedy and a completely shocking plot twist that would make Agatha Christie blush. All of which add up to a string of hilarious, profound and exhilarating anecdotes. Unfortunately I don’t have time to get into all that now as I have something in the oven.

After nine hours and 36 minutes, Susie was just 12 seconds away from beating the record for standing on one leg in an art gallery when she remembered she'd left the iron on and had to leave immediately.

After nine hours and 36 minutes, Susie was just 12 seconds away from beating the record for standing on one leg in an art gallery when she remembered she'd left the iron on and had to leave immediately.

After a full day of Laneway hi-jinks we were ready for some dinin’ and imbibin’. We discovered an incredible Tapas restaurant called Movida, tucked away in a typically art festooned Laneway (ok, enough with the Laneways, they’re nice – we get it). The atmosphere was ideal, the food was exceptional and in a way…

WARNING! TORTUOUS ANALOGY ALERT BELOW!  WARNING! TORTUOUS ANALOGY ALERT BELOW! 

…our meal was very much like the fine city of Melbourne. It offered an eclectic mix of tastes and sensations, there was a friendly vibe and when all was said and done the best option was to hide in a toilet cubicle for ages and ages and hope that we could eventually escape through a small window without paying the bill. Plus we got some free mints. 

Why yes, we'd be delighted if you took our photo while we have lunch. Can you just hang on a sec while we adopt facial expressions of surprised annoyance?

Why yes, we'd be delighted if you took our photo while we have lunch. Can you just hang on a sec while we adopt facial expressions of surprised annoyance?

*All stock from Discount Infopacks is in no way discounted. Mr Meagher’s hair and wardrobe by Givenchy.
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2 Responses to “Discount Infopacks – For all Your Discounted Infopack Needs. Now at Discounted prices!!!!*”

  1. 1 Dave

    Dave, the blog’s ok and all that. Mildly amusing. One problem though, there’s just not enough of it. We want more!

  2. 2 davexxxx

    Thank you for your words of kindness Dave. As per your request vis-a-vis adding new content – please see new content wot I have added…


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