Bloggin’ About me Noggin’


One evening last week, I went to the fridge to get myself a lovely bit of naughty Lindt chocolate beer. I crouched down on my haunches, found the deliciously indulgent chunks of caramel heaven beer and stood up sharply. I didn’t get very far with this audacious standing up plan as my skull immediately cracked against the underside of a thick, heavy windowsill edge. I fell back on the floor, bravely managing to hold onto my danger of repeating the same joke too often beer.

I was left absolutely frozen, completely stunned and unable to move. I hadn’t felt this way since Leo Sayer unexpectedly stormed out of the Celebrity Big Brother House (please see 2007 for all pop culture references). I eventually managed to stand on rather wobbly legs and made my way to a handily situated chair. I gingerly touched the top of me bonce and discovered the kind of bump more usually found on Wile E. Coyote. To help convey the kind of agony pudding I had foolishly ordered from the pain menu I have created a medically verified* bar chart.**

• This bar chart has not been medically verified. •• This is a bar chart

Fortunately Susie and Steve were nearby so I could share my concern and distress with them. They responded by placing various frozen packs of vegetables on my head, wrapping the whole caboodle with toilet paper and taking photos while pointing and giggling.

If you have an ounce of humanity you'll alert the Social Services on my behalf.

I decided to consult the internet to find out if my symptoms (muddled thoughts, dizziness, rock-hard pecs) could be the result of concussion. I soon stumbled across a site which had a forum on this very topic. After scrolling through a few of the comments my worries about possible concussion were replaced by concern for the future of our planet. I have pasted a few of my favourite pearls below. I would love to claim that I have written these myself in a delicious parody but unfortunately they are all 100% genuine:-

I would be really bad if someone had so many concussions that they would die or some thing. I would never want that to happen.

• well after hearing about it’s kind of scary.. Because I hit my head whenever i’m stressed!!

• i think they should make special helmets so like you cant get a concussion

• What’s the big fuss? a minor stress in the head doesn’t mean you are if i do have these concussions I’ll go straight to the fields.(and if i has these brain whatever it’s good enought for me ’cause i won’t have to study again.)

• I don`t do anything that I can get a concussion from, like riding a bike, or going outside. All I do is sleep, and go to school.

• I’m more of a girly girl anyway so I never had a concusion from sports. Now that I think about it, I’ve never had a concusion period.

• We think its weird that the scientists asked athletes to donate there brains!!!! EWWWWWW

• I think I would still go out and do the sports I really like I think I would just try to enjoy playing and not hit my head as much, if possible.

• I don’t think that they’re that big of a deal but its still cool to be able to say that I’ve had eight concussions

• I got a video game it is madden 06 and when i play a game they barly get a player a concusion.

• Just looking at the differnce between an athletes brain and a healthy brain makes me wanna puke.

• I don’t really care about the concussions because like I am going to go in the NFL and I am going to probably get concussions but that doesn’t do anything to me except make me stupid

• How do you have your brain taken out and have it be experimented on? do they give you a extra brain while you let them do that or do you die?

• um i dont need to were a helmet i am the best in the world aand i think u still need training wheels ahaha but good job!!

• Really, I think I won’t even have a chance of concussion. In where I’m living people even don’t know what touchdown is. And my bike was stolen years ago so I can’t drive bikes

• One time when i was a kid i went down a hill on the road fell off and did a faceplant, i did not wear a helmet and i still don’t

• not being a football player, you still could have a concussion, so if you get concussions alot, I would be concerned about concussions.

• well, after hearing about it, it’s kinda scary. A little brain damage could turn into bad thing… I should stop hitting my head.

• I have never had a concussion. plus i dont want. one

• I’m not concerned about concussions and that has got to hurt because once you get a concussion you’ll get headaches you also get enraged and then you will be okay but your brain will be damaged.

• I think concussons are bad and they need to be better NOW!!! I would also like to say hi to Gregy… Hi

• I don’t do that much dangerous stuff. I guess if you fell out of bed in your sleep you could get one. Or you get hit in the head really hard with an egg or something at lunch.Or you get slammed with a locker. But those are very unlikely. So I think I’m safe.

• Cuncussions lead to memory loss. John Grimsley, a linebacker for the Houston Oilers, suffered 9 cuncussions over his 9-year career. While he was cleaning his gun, it went off. His wife contributes his death to him forgetting the gun was loaded.

• 73 year old basketball player? I think that’s ridiculous. If your out on a court, 73 years old, you could get flattened immeadietly. Besides, with the economic crisis, why would you want to spend money on that?

• Once, this kid at my brothers 6th birthday party slammed my bro’s head into the wall. He had to get stitches. I had no clue what had happened. I was only 3 years old!

• I never have to worry about getting a concussion…except that time I flipped my snowmobile on the lake and smashed my head, but there was no harm done. It didn’t even hurt.

• I have a pet Named DUMA and he is my best friend ever i love him more than anything cause he is my boy he is the thing that keeps me going. Duma means the world to me and i would definitely pay 150 grand to clone him and still have him.

That’s the last time I turn to NHS Direct for advice. 

I would like to reassure readers that after a few days my thoughts became more coherent, I was able to articulate succinctly and I am confident that there were no long term at at effects all salmon.


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