Gottle of @!*#$! Geer


We’ve only got about a week left in our Fitzroy pad before we have to hit the bricks (leave). I’ll probably say goodbye to Melbourne with a firm yet brisk handshake in an effort to hide my true emotions. Inevitably though our gaze will hold for a split second longer than it should, shallow breath will quicken as we plunge into a desperate embrace – recklessly sweeping a marble kitchen work surface clear of utensils before rolling around entwined on an emotional and physical plane in an unspeakable act of dark farewell. 

Melbourne is nice!!! 🙂

Before that sad and erotically charged day arrives, I thought it would be instructive to compile a roundup of events and activities that heretofore I have been unable to cover due to legal and moral constraints:-

Monday Night Magic at Dantes (Last Monday of every month – $10)

“I love magic. I hate magic.”
David (Dave) Nolan – November 2009

Ever since I was a male-child I have enjoyed watching and performing magic. I devour (not literally) books on its history, theory and practice. This equals love.

Unfortunately, many magicians make me feel queasy as some seem to believe that balloon animals, sponge rabbits and weak puns are acceptable. This leaves me at home to Mr Hatred.

I was rather excited then to discover, a collective of cool magicians (sure, it can happen?) who regularly perform around Melbourne. 

Susie and I caught a show one Monday evening at Dantes on Gertrude Street. The first act was a chap by the name of Kamal. He had the look of a young Errol Flynn and the demeanor of a slightly older Errol Flynn. His performance was professional, polished and a credit to close up. Well done Kamal.

We reconvened after the interval for the second magician of the evening. The bouncing, bubbly, perma-smiley fellow that skipped on stage had his arm up a comedy dog. It took me 0.26 seconds to work out that this in fact made him a cocking ventriloquist. It took me another 0.03 seconds to calculate the coordinates of the nearest exit. The only thing that kept me in my seat was my generous nature and the fear that I may be spotted and pulled on stage to have a conversation with his right hand.

It may sound as if I am being disparaging towards ventriloquists but that is because I loathe them. At one point he asked a volunteer to move so he would be “standing over the trapdoor.” This was met with a gale of riotous laughter from the crowd and the beginnings of a stomach ulcer from your narrator.

Magician arrested for inciting hate crimes against ventriloquists

More recently we saw another show from the same magic collective at Dirty Secrets on Smith Street. This performance was all magic (twelve acts performing five minutes each) and was thoroughly entertaining. They have an end of year spectacular coming up at the Atheneum Theatre in December which I would highly recommend if you’re in the area.


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