Please To Be Providing Your Bank Details

09Aug10

I wanted you to be the first to know that Susie and I have decided our next gadding about destination will be Sweden. In preparation I have bought a warm, hooded jacket and adopted a more liberal attitude towards the physical act of love.

We fly to Stockholm in a few days and have booked a private room in a hostel for the first couple of nights but are still looking for an apartment or house share. The problem seems to be that 90% of online ads turn out to be scams. This can get frustrating after a while so you can imagine my relief when I received a reply from all round good egg Pastor Tenny Cosby offering me his centrally located Stockholm flat for next to nothing:-

Thanks for your email and interest in my apartment.

I am Pastor Tenny Cosby a Voluntary missionary and I own of the 1 bedroom Apartment you are making enquiry of  mail my wife and tell the the location of the apartment you contacted me about so she can email you the address and informations, The apartment is still available for rent 200euros per month and  300euros for security and damages deposit . It comes loaded with amenities: Furnished Living room and Bedroom, Leather furnitires and a walk-in closet, a balcony or patio, ceiling fans, gas stove, garbage disposal,and central air conditioning and heating. Easy access and transportation options are numerous. This apartment is available for short or long term rental.

I used to reside in the apartment with my wife, Elena Cosby, but due to the fact that I was transferred to West Africa on a missionary transfer, and now reside here for the time being, We have decided to put our apartment for rent to someone neat, honest and trustworthy.

I will be here in West Africa for a while and very busy with missions and crusades. So I will like you to get in touch with my wife in USA via email (elenacosby@hotmail.com) for more details and pictures.

Upon confirmation of your interest, You will be given a rent application form by my wife, after you have filled the rent application form and made payment for a month’s rent and refundable deposit and damage fees, the keys and documents will be sent to you through DHL. The application form is subject to approval. I want you to note that I am a kind and honest man and also I spent a lot on my property so if eventually we give you our apartment, I will solicit for your absolute maintenance of this apartment and want you to treat it as your own.I want to know if I can trust you to handle my property with care. Please note that we don’t have anyone over there to show you the apartment, So we will have to send you the keys & Documents via DHL Courier Service on a next day delivery after you have made payment for the first month’s payment and security deposit so you can move in asap. If you are ok with this and you are ready to proceed, please e-mail my wife Elena Cosby tell her the location of the apartment you contacted me about and request for the application form .

Tenny Cosby .

At last, a man of God and somebody I could clearly trust. I immediately followed Pastor Tenny Cosby’s instructions and contacted his wife. Despite having absolute faith in the good hearted intentions of the Pastor, I did choose to use a fake name (Andrew Hartigan) and email address in all correspondence. You can read the emails below in case you ever need to get in touch with Mrs Elena Cosby about an affordable apartment:-

Dear Elena,

Your husband (Pastor Tenny Cosby) has asked me to write to you concerning your apartment in Stockholm. As you know, he is currently engaged in a missionary crusade in Western Africa and is understandably too busy to deal with the rental formalities himself.

The apartment sounds wonderful and I am sure it would be ideal for my fiancé (Fawn Merryweather) and myself. We would be looking to stay for a maximum of three months and are non-smoking ethical Vegans with a GSOH. Please can you send me details of the address along with photos and the rental agreement? Will the documents and keys be sent directly to my address in London, England UK?

Warmest Regards,

Andrew Hartigan

Hello ,

Thanks for the email. My husband informed me about your interest in our apartment. We are looking for a tenant who will take very good care of it, we are not really after the money for the rent but we also want a responsible, and neat person/people with good conduct. My husband and I will be away for long so the apartment is available for SHORT TERM OR LONG TERM , so you can rent it for how long you wish.  For now I am in USA and I am with the keys and documents of the Apartment, I will send them to you after you have filled the form and made payment the deposit, damage and security fees to my husband in West Africa. We tried to look for an agent or friends that we can give this keys and document before we left but could not find any at that time,we don’t want our apartment to be dis-organized in our absence that is why I brought the keys along with me here in USA. Please we need you to re-assure to us that you will take good care of the apartment.

Hope you are okay with the price of €50 per week/€200 Per month(utilities included) for the whole apartment. You can live with any of your friends, no problem so far you keep it tidy always. The apartment is newly furnished throughout, there is cable and internet, all you need to do is bring your computer. It is air-conditioned, fully equipped kitchen, and standard bathroom with hydro and heat. The apartment is very close to various public transport. There is a parking space available.

This fashionable Stockholm residence boasts its own gym...

...and a living space personally decorated by a camp military dictator.

Below is the address of the apartment, the rent and security deposit fees..

LOCATION & AREA In the middle of the absolute centre of Stockholm City – The old Town of Stockholm Address: 6 Lilla Hoparegr?nd, Stockholm S-111 29, Sweden , Nearest Metro / Subway: Gamla Stan – 200 Meters , Nearest Bus / Tramway: Gamla Stan – 30, Nearest Airport: Arlanda – 35 Kilometers ,Accommodation located in city, old town, waterfront, coastal, near the beach, near shopping area, near restaurants & bars, near cultural interest, near historical interest !  .
Rent: €200 per month (€50 per week)
Damages and Security Deposit :- €300  (Refundable once you’re evacuating the apartment.)
Total: €500

If this is okay by you, please fill in the attached rent application form and send back to me ASAP. The paper work of the agreement will be sent to you along with the keys and documents as soon as you have made the payment €500. You are to make payment to my husband in West Africa via Western Union Money Transfer , hope you’re familiar with this mode of sending money overseas.

As soon as you have filled the form completely and ready to proceed, I will forward it to my husband and if he approves, I will give you necessary instruction needed for payment.You should give my husband a call his after you have filled the form and sent it back to me.  Upon receipt of your payment, I will send out the the keys and other documents to you via DHL express delivery and provide you with the tracking number for your reference. I will need your address where the keys and documents should be sent to. Looking forward to your email with all this details so that I can have it in my file in case of issuing the receipt in your name and contacting you. You should know that we are giving you all this based on trust and the believe that you will take good care of the apartment.

I will be expecting your email ASAP. God bless you.

Thanks.
Elena Cosby .

Dear Elena,

I hope you are well? Thank you for your informative email (dated 03/08/10). Your apartment looks most impressive and I can assure you that Fawn Merryweather (my fiancé) and myself will treat your home with the utmost care.

In point of fact, Miss Merryweather is dangerously allergic to dust combobules so we will be obliged to cover all furniture with plastic sheeting. Not only will this avoid the possibility of seizure (on the part of Miss Merryweather) but will ensure your home remains in pristine condition. As a downside, you may notice a faint ‘odeur de la plastiqué’ shortly after we vacate but all traces can be removed quite easily by burning a child’s crayon set.

Please find my completed rental application form below:-

=========== RENT APPLICATION =============

1)Full Name(s):

Andrew Christmas Hartigan

2)Present Address(Current residence):

Captain Andrew Hartigan,
5 Battersea Park Road,
London,
England,
UK
1AM F4KE

3)Direct contact phone number(home and cell):

020 7622 3622 I’m afraid I do not have a cellular phone as I regard them as ungodly

4)Age:

69

5)Marital Status:

I am shortly to be married to Fawn Merryweather (on the 18th of June next year). I do understand the implications of your question and I can assure you that while we remain unmarried I have no intention of acquiring carnal knowledge of Miss Merryweather. This ethical position will not alter during our residency period in your exemplary home.

6)How many people will be living in the flat:

Two occupants, Miss Merryweather and myself. Miss Merryweather’s mother (Tractör Merryweather) may visit for several days in September but only stands at 4 foot 6 inches.

7)Do you have a pet ?:

I once had a cat companion (Cormac Tinnery, named after the great Industrialist) but no longer. I’m afraid I cannot provide more information on this as the memories are still rather raw.

8)Do you have a car? If yes, how many? :

I own 36 cars but will only be bringing a small fraction of that number with me to Stockholm

9)Occupation:

Military Advisor to Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital

10)Religion:

For many years I was strongly opposed to spiritually and the idea of an afterlife so remained strictly Church of England. In the last decade however, I have found a place for God in my heart and am a devout Christian. I can only pray that one day I will have the courage of your husband (Pastor Tenny Cosby) to deliver the Good Word to deluded hell-seekers.

11)How long do you intend to stay?:

Three months with the possibility of extending to three months and one and a half days.

12)When do you intend moving in?

The 13th of August 2010, preferably before night falls.

13) Payment of at least 1 months deposit, security and damages fee – €500(Accept/Decline): How many months rent can you pay upfront? Mininum ( 1month + security deposit of €300 ) or ( 2 months + deposit of €300  and you get 1 month free) .so which option do you prefer????

I am happy to pay the €500 security and damages fee in advance. I would also like to take advantage of your very generous offer of paying two months rent up front and getting one month free if that would be amenable to yourself and Pastor Tenny Cosby? I’m not sure how much this equates to in total? Is it €1,300? I’m afraid I wouldn’t know how to use a calculator if you strapped it to the back of my head!

Assuming my rental application is acceptable, please can you provide me with details of how best to proceed with paying the monies and a brief overview of the formality of returning the deposit to my person. Once advised, I shall issue instructions to commence payment procedures immediately.

Thank you for this opportunity Elena and I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

With Warmest Regards and May God Go With You Always,

Andrew Hartigan

Hello ,

Good to hear from you again. You application form has been approved and you have been accepted as our new tenant. You can rent the flat for as long as you wish to stay I am sending the keys and documents to your address I have had different situations with time wasters whereby I hold the apartment until the move in period and they come up with different stories like I should reduce the rent or they would make have payment or pay installmentally and this is not done so I would want you to make the payment this week so I would be sure you are really renting my apartment and receipts can be issued so you would have to make payment this week so I can be assured you are really renting Asap.

I am not able do receive phone calls because I am DEAF  .

All is set to go and now, in order to proceed , You are to make payment of 500Euros to my husband in West Africa, through WESTERN UNION  Money Transfer . It is a fast and reliable way of sending money overseas.Keys and documents will be sent to you as soon as you make payments and the security deposit would be refunded when evacuating my apartment. Upon confirmation of the funds, I will go ahead and have the keys and documents shipped out to the address you provided via DHL courier service on next day delivery. You can move in immediately you get the keys or at your convenience. Once again we will give you this flat because of your assurance to take good care of it,  Here are the contents that will be delivered to  the address you provided through DHL courier service.

1) Entrance and the rooms Keys
2)Rent Agreement Paperwork/Permanent Flat form (Containing your reference details)
3)The Flat documented file.
4)Payment Receipts.
5)Full address and description of the flat.

Please get back to me letting me know if I can go ahead and send the details and instruction on how to transfer the funds  through WESTERN UNION so that you can make the payment and I can have keys and documents sent to you.Please we are trusting you with our apartment, do not fail us. Expecting your email. We will send you the key and receipt out to you immediately payment is confirmed, at this point the next step is payment, I want you to look any WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER local outlet and make the payment, it is very easy and comfortable to send money when you reach there, just write the payment information’s below to the money WESTERN UNION place. Make the payment here is my husband personal secretary information you are sending money  below. Immediately the payment is confirmed that mean you have secure the apartment so send the money today.

Western Union Money Transfer Payment Information
Receiver’s name:Taye Coker
Address:1378 Spencer Rd
City:Surulere
State:Lagos
Country:NIGERIA
Zip code:23401
Amount Sending:€500
Text Question:Just Have
Text Answer:Faith

As soon as you wire the payment call my husband +2348071560767 or 0112348081362717and  get back to me with the following Information :

Sender’s Full Name & Address
10 Digits confirmation number known as the MTCN #
Amount Sent.
Text Question & Answer
Tel #

Wish you best for the week.
Thanks and God bless you in your endeavors.

Best Regards,

Mrs Cosby.

Dear Mrs Cosby,

It is good to hear from you again too. I am delighted that my rental application has been approved and will endeavor to pay the full monies owed this afternoon. I shall be making a trip into town anyway as I have a meeting with a bacon sculptor.

Before completing what has been a refreshingly aerodynamic business arrangement, I feel I must ease my conscience by admitting to an untruth on my rental application. I claimed that I had not been in receipt of carnal knowledge avec Miss Merryweather (my fiancé). Mrs Cosby, this claim was and is and was and still is false. I am ashamed to say that despite our unmarried ‘status du jour’, we have consummated our union on four separate occasions. Five if you count a wristy.

I feel it only proper that as a woman of God you should be made aware of this before accepting us into your home. I quite understand if you would like to discuss the moral implications with Pastor Tenny Cosby (your husband) before reaching a final decision. I can assure you that despite Miss Merryweather’s goading hips, no further coitus incubus will erupt in the confines of your outstanding apartments.

On a completely separate issue, would you object to us making a short video featurette in your personal gym? The resultant title will only be available in Europe.

If you are willing to overlook this regrettable indiscretion, I will transfer full monies to you this afternoon as soon as I have collected my pig art. I would appreciate your thoughts on this at your earliest convenience.

With Warmest Regards and May The Christ-Child Empty His Light All Over Your Face.

Andrew Hartigan

My husband said since you have confessed no problem and you can rent our apartment I await your email with the payment details below .

Sender’s Full Name & Address

10 Digits confirmation number known as the MTCN #
Amount Sent.
Text Question & Answer
Tel #

Wish you best for the week.

Thanks and God bless you in your endeavors.

Best Regards,

Mrs Cosby.

Dear Mrs Cosby,

Thank you so much for finding forgiveness in your heart and lungs. I was unable to wire the ‘monies de completé’ to your good self yesterday afternoon as I received an urgent telephone call informing me that Miss Merryweather’s midget mother (Tractör Merryweather) had become trapped in a drainage system just outside Kettering (East). I immediately took the 97 bus (changing at Didbury North West) to offer my support and assistance to Mrs Merryweather and the assembled emergency services.

I am happy to report that after a nine and three quarter hour struggle, the drainage system was once again free from obstruction and the people of Kettering (East) could once again use their dishwashers with impunity! Sadly, Mrs Merryweather died at the scene.

As I had been diverted from wiring the monies owed myself, I had instructed my nephew (Griffin Null) to act on my behalf. To my considerable vexation, Null has refused to do so and insists I request further verification of your identity and good intentions before proceeding! As you can imagine Mrs Cosby, I am incensed at his lack of faith and explained that you are people of Godjesusholy. I further clarified that you are unable to speak directly on the phone as you are deaf and that if your husband (Pastor Tenny Cosby) didn’t deserve to unwind in a luxurious apartment in central Stockholm after his ongoing Holy Crusade work in sub-Saharan Western Africa then I don’t know who does!

I am mortified to report that Null remains unconvinced. He is adamant that he will only wire the monies (now in his possession) once in receipt of a photograph of yourself clearly holding the keys to the apartment. I find his demands ludicrous, as I’m sure do you Mrs Cosby. However, if you could find it in your arms to humor him on this one condition then Null has promised me faithfully that he will transfer the levied charge immediately. Please remember that the keys must be clearly visible.

I very much look forward to proving Null wrong and taking up residence in your attractive apartments.

With Warmest Regards And May The Godhead Pour His Mighty Glory Over Your Powerful Thighs

Andrew Hartigan

Regrettably, I have yet to receive a reply from Mrs Cosby. It appears that we may never know if the apartment was genuine or not. This means we are still looking for a place to stay so please do get in touch if you happen to know of somewhere. I will of course need to see a photograph of the owner holding the front door keys before parting with any monies.

p.s you can read a few other other pointless emails I have written as Andrew Hartigan here.

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9 Responses to “Please To Be Providing Your Bank Details”

  1. Hi Dave,
    You know, having read this I’m starting to think these African guys might have been up to no good. Do you reckon the Stockholm apartment thing was a scam? Anyway, hope things work out for you and the young Ms Fawn Merriweather in Sweden, I’m looking forward to meeting her!
    Cuz

  2. 2 Ancuta

    Yes, for sure a scam, I am searching for a flat in Copenhagen, and guess who is renting his wonderful fully-furnished apartment? That’s right: Pastor Cosby, and his holly wife!
    Thank God I had the inspiration to google and find posts like this!
    So…thank you, and good luck with finding accommodation in Stockholm!

  3. I was actually dumb enough to post under my real name in my emails to the “pastor” as well as my real phone number and address. would you have any suggestions as to what I should do? He actually called me and sms me to check my email etc. I want to do something but I don’t know what should I do considering I gave him so much of my details. Is there any way for him to think it was a fake name as well?
    Thanks! ❤

  4. 4 davexxxx

    Hi, I wouldn’t worry as all the most holy reverend Pastor is interested in is getting you to wire money. Now that you’ve stopped contact then I’m sure that will be the end of it.

  5. 5 Mary

    Well, guess what??? These people of “God” must do all their apartments in the same decor. They are now offering this apartment in Paris, France at a very Low price…too good to believe. So DON’T! It’s a scam.

  6. 6 Terrible Johnny

    Hey,

    So funny, am searching for an apartment in the Hague, the Netherlands. And of course received absolutely identical letter from God-blessed pastor Cosby&Co…
    So, thanks God, we are aware now of that worldwide holy family, with luxurious apartments all over the Europe. Not so bad as a pastor.

  7. 7 Elana Crosby

    Dear David,

    Since I am deaf, I spend a considerable amount of time on the internet reading and researching. I happened to stumble over your blog and despite an initial reaction of shock, I finally realised the humour in the situation.

    We too were concerned that you and your fiance were trying to scam us out of our appartment without paying up. This deep concern, led us to be suspicious of your actions. In retrospect rightly so.

    As a result, and in compensation for the communication troubles, our suggestion is that we will allow you to use our appartment for the period of one month at no charge. Our only request is that we share the royalties of your video title (only to be released in Europe). We also suggest that we use our connections in west africa to distribute the titles through the broader african network and therefore increase the possible financial gains!

    In anticipation of setting up this distribution network across africa, please wire us $7000 in order that we may begin setting up the marketing network for the highly anticipated title!

    Elena Cosby (Not)

  8. 8 Paul Slade

    HAHA … great blog!

    Your cousin … Paul

  9. 9 davexxxx

    Thanks Paul! Have a good trip back to SA.

    If you are ever in West Africa please could you look up a Mrs Elena Cosby and pay her $7000 on my behalf? We have a business proposition based on the production of intermarital documentaries. Don’t worry about the cash as her husband (a Pastor) will personally return it to you at an unspecified point in the future.


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